Of Letting Go

It had been awhile since I broke up with my ex.

The thing is, we never actually separated on a sour note. Sure, there were some things that didn’t click between us, and we ended up having more differences than we could reconcile. But when we decided to break up and go on with our separate lives, we never actually hated each other.

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Source: https://www.pexels.com/photo/adult-alcohol-bar-bartender-274192/

I still remember the day when we broke up, clear as day. He was sitting right in front of me, in a dimly lit bar in Central Jakarta. He was fidgeting, I recall, and didn’t even have a sip of his beer—or even talk. Realizing that there were something he wanted to say, I decided to stay put and observe the waft of smoke from one of the nearby guests like it was the most interesting thing ever.

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SUPERFICIAL

BEHIND THE GLAMS

 

I remember you said that you liked the decorative pins on my hair.

You told me I looked beautiful in that teal colored one-piece dress,
and that putting on makeup made me much more vibrant; much more alive.

I remember taking off the decorative pins,
tearing away the dress,
wiped off the makeup, and stared directly into your eyes.

“How do you love me now?” I asked.

You stammered, trying to find the words you lost.

Maybe that’s why we couldn’t work it out together. It’s not because we didn’t love each other enough, or because one of us wasn’t trying enough.

Maybe it’s just because you never looked at the real me properly.

Behind the decorative pins on my hair, the beautiful teal colored one-piece dress, and the vibrant makeup, I was just an awkward girl, trying her hardest to be just enough for everyone.

“Do you still love me now?” I remember repeating the question.

 

 


 

Alicia Lidwina 2017