Gratitude Journal: Early 2020

I would like to take some moment and dedicate this blog post to thank several very kind souls who had helped me a lot in 2020. These are the people who stuck with me through thick and thin—they are the reason that I’m still here; alive and kicking; appreciating life in all its form and wonders.

In alphabetical order:

Agita, for showing me that everyone needs their own space. And I, too, could create my own space to relax, heal, and be creative. Thank you for your kindness, all the good food and laughter, and also the insightful Tarot readings. You are a true healer through your words.

Emilya “Bu Dokter” Kusnaidi, who told me that I have a good way of coping with stress. You’d never know how much that meant to me. That in a time when I felt like my whole world could crumble, you lit the way and told me that I was doing fine. That I was okay. That I could fight for another day. That I wasn’t—and am not—alone.

Kak Fitrah, for telling me all your stories to keep me grounded. For trusting me to keep your stories, and for reassuring me whenever I feel weak. Thank you for reminding me that even in my darkest moments, I still have a friend who walks tall and proud by my side, never ashamed of having me to watch their back.

Novita, my dedicated friend to grab McDonald’s at midnight. Seeing your career blossom sparked tremendous joy in me. Thank you for inspiring me with your endeavors. Thank you for being there. Thank you for always being there. In a world where friends come and go like fleeting dreams, it’s comforting to know that some people—like you—are meant to stay.

Rena, for being a role model to us all, for doing everything with casual eloquence, and for wearing your heart on your sleeve. Thank you for lending your help for the photoshoots, for all the good times, the inside jokes, and the gossips. Thank you for worrying about me and for always sticking up for me whenever I’m not feeling like myself.

Utha, who told me that Polaris Musim Dingin deserves to be published. For convincing me, again and again, that my stories are worth sharing with the world. For pulling me out from my puddle of misery every single time I doubt myself. For the reassuring push behind my back that says “you deserve this.”

I might have said this, whether by wrapping them as jokes or just saying them nonchalantly. So I don’t know if it came across correctly and if you guys know this for real. But I feel like I could be my most honest self when I’m writing, so here I am, baring my soul to everyone on this list:

I love all of you. From the bottom of my heart.