When the last of the raindrops smothered the wailing earth that day, she thought everything had been lost. No, not in a bad way. In fact, she was content. There was no better day to celebrate—yes, she decided to celebrate it rather than grieving over it—her loss than today. After all, she had come all this way and lost too many things to even count with her mind.
It just happened that the rain stopped right when she finished attending that stupid ceremony.
The woman lifted her umbrella, deciding to fold it after three mere seconds of contemplating. Her brand new Adidas sneakers were soaking wet right now, completely bereft of any sign that it was bought just the day before.
With a deadpanned sigh, she reached her pocket for her wallet, of which she pulled out a handful of cash from. She just needed to secure her trip expenses before actually entering any sort of public transportation. It just made her feel safer, something like a precaution for unwanted incidents. She had never experienced that, but she had seen people did. She sure hoped she wouldn’t.
As a matter of fact, she admitted that everyone else would be celebrating as well. Note that this meant her colleagues, her lecturers, and her parents. Perhaps even her cat back home—you did not graduate from a well-known university every day, or so they said. Admittedly, she should be feeling rather happy. But even though she said to himself over and over that she was actually celebrating her graduation, somewhere in her heart she could just never overlook all the things she had lost.
For example, her youth.
Or, the last daily grind in her life that she could actually tolerate.
To put it simply, the past.
She wanted to check her cell phone for messages; missed calls—anything. She wanted to take the bus all the way to the last stop and walk straight home. She needed her daily dose of caffeine so bad she could turn crazy from it. But she knew she couldn’t, which was why she kept her cell phone tucked securely in her bag. She had no need for something that could waver her conviction (funny way to say it, but she decided a more majestic definition would keep her in a higher spirit rather than some crappy substitute like ‘determination’ or ‘resolve’).
The sky was solemn grey, with no strings of silver linings or even a resilient ray of sunshine. Even though the rain had subsided, the world’s ceiling was still ominous. Looking at the weather, one could expect another burst of rain falling down anytime. She regretted her decision to wear her brand new sneakers for this ‘special’ day very, very deeply.
She closed her eyes for a mere second.
Now what?
She entered the university. She studied. She graduated—now what?
Oh, of course.
She sighed again and made a mental note to buy instant noodles on her way home. She didn’t think about her health, or even the dismal nutritional value of the food—she just felt like it. If she was really going to celebrate her loss, she ought to do it with something special. In this case, she thought celebrating by destroying her body would be appropriate. But she dismissed the thought several minutes later, deciding that she just wanted a full bowl of instant noodle broth to keep her body warm in this temperature.
Third sigh. And she noticed she was approaching her destination.
She wanted to go home.
She wanted to sneak behind her stack of pillows and bury herself in a big warm blanket, but she knew she just had this coming when she accepted the offer.
The bus eventually stopped, and she dragged her feet, rolling her eyes when she caught a glimpse of her Adidas down there and gave the cash she held to the driver.
She had arrived.
Still in the middle of collecting her mind, she stood still and took yet another sigh. There went her last shards of youth. There was no other choice. The celebration would have to wait until she got back home.
Another sigh.
She had no idea why this company would want someone like her.
***
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Alicia Lidwina 